Wants and wishes

A poem from my heart

Remedy- 

 

 A poem for my love. One of many.


OX
-Sky

This time last year...

I was probably drawing a bath in my freezing Dog Town, Ellensburg apartment. Cold it was, but it was mine. My brother's old music posters hung on the wall, tea brewing, music playing. A tiny kitchen, wood floors and big windows....

Know the difference between real magic, my friend, and just an incantation. Even a careful heart can be tricked by the devil.

XO
-Sky

Oh the times

And so they go. Always too quickly.

I could lose my breath trying to keep up with the chaos of just the last few years. College went by in one loud and wild blink. I've traveled, I've nested. Each year I grow older and I never really finished being 17... I can't say no one warned me.

Today is the first of 2016. Not quite as amazing as the first day of 2015, driving through the mountains and meeting my friends' baby, but still good. Yoga, berries, and coffee this morning. Music, laundry and cleaning later. One ham sandwich and a Stephen King novel with two dogs trying to look cute.




Life is so short. And I am in such a hurry to live it up. To do absolutely everything, go everywhere, study everything, leave a mark... But I'm grasping at straws. Ambition with no direction. Hungry for passion.

As I fill out this year's calendar, my heart sinks with the reminder of my Peace Corps failure. There must be something else out there for me for now, no?




Oh time will tell.


OX - Sky

Just don't call me 'Darling'

During my 23rd year and beyond I was single. This was a huge blessing considering my previous relationship(s). But no one told me the truth about being single, and relatively attractive, in your 20s. 

First: If you wave to someone, ask how their day is, laugh at their jokes, OR so much as smile and make eye contact with them, they will assume you want to sleep with them. Yes, just like that. Especially if this someone is a dumb boy who may or may not also be in his 20s.

Second: Nowhere is safe. Nope. Not the grocery store, not work, not the gym (especially not the gym), the car wash, the park, the freeway, the remote hiking trail just outside of town, ... no-fucking-where. Men under 35 can smell the single on you... and they will hunt you like an animal. 

Third: We think we're adults and we want "adult" relationships, but no body really knows what that means. So fuck it, and try to have a good time.

Now, I wish someone had told me these things beforehand... 

My first date after a heart-wrenching breakup and move, was with a boy who stopped my in the microwave isle of Fred Meyer's [no where is safe]. He even went so far as to look in my shopping cart and jokingly say, "Healthy. I'll bet you're a good cook, you could cook for me." 

Wow.

Anyway, we went to lunch. Later we went for a hike. Beautiful day. Smoked a joint under a waterfall. Cool. Then he took me home. Now then, I stupidly did not prepare for the Goodbye Procedure. This, to keep things short, lead to the most awkward hug/kiss/shoulder-caressing moment of my life. So awkward I slid to the floor when I safely got back into my apartment, texting a good friend "I'm never going outside again!"

And, overall, that was pretty freaking harmless. Ugh. 

Always prepare for the Goodbye Procedure!

And if you thought that was bad...

A few months later I planned to see a music recital with a friend I've had for years. He studies history, hops, wine, candle-making, and beard-growing. He's pretty neat. But I forgot to tell him, "not in that way..."

He showed up with flowers. Roses and lilies in a blue-tinted mason jar. Fucking, so romantic. What?! So, hugely awkward dating moment #2: We had a little chat, he left disappointed but understanding - flowers in hand, and I went to the recital solo. 

Every three seconds through the first song I put out my open palm thinking, "What the hell just happened??"

Always be clear with everyone (including yourself) whether it's a date or not. And if you don't know, maybe you shouldn't go...

Dating is hard. It's hard and awkward at every age, I think. People have told me that it doesn't get any easier. But even still, it can be really fun. When you find someone you enjoy spending time with, it's OK to just enjoy that time with them. I can think of a couple good souls who helped me stitch up my heart in this time. I laughed a lot, learned a ton, and am thankful I don't have to do that again!

Next time I'll tell you about how I was ambushed by idiots at the park. Fucking men, ya know? 

OX - Sky

10...9...8...7...

It's December 31, 2014. Thank God. Cheers to the end of an emotional year. At this moment I thought I would be travelling to Belize in July of 2015 to serve the next two years with the United States Peace Corps. At this time I was living in Ellensburg, Washington, working at the county public health department. [Government job. Nice... and not so nice.] I had a Dog-Town apartment on the edge of Rotary Park. I went to a gym. I volunteered at an animal shelter.

Now...

Some notes on making out with your best friend:

1. You're probably drunk.
2. This is probably a bad idea.
3. For some reason, this is OK.
4. However!
5. Tomorrow, neither of you will want to speak about this, but you'll have to, because you're friends, and you need to stay friends, duh, but friends don't make out... I mean, I'm pretty sure...

Just in case you find yourself in that particular predicament.

As far as how I rung in the new year. Successfully, of course:

And if that wasn't the time of my life, January first might as well have been:

Florida, the sunshine state.

Being from the Great Northwest I do need brag a little. It is October 16th and it's 80 degrees here in Ormond Beach, Florida. Ian and I have officially moved into our home for the next few years (?) and by the way, we're ten minutes from the Atlantic Ocean. Whoa.

Ok, done bragging because we certainly have our work cut out for us.

Due to the incredibly awesome chaos that has been the last six months of my life, this story begins at the end. But what is an end, but the next beginning?

So we enter Florida:

After a long adventure with a weekend pit stop in New Orleans, Ian and I arrived in Florida; welcomed by rain that reminded me of Costa Rica. The scenery was new and very green. Seeing the wetlands was comforting after living in Northern Texas for a month. While the views were refreshing, the road was very bland. Very flat. I mean, flat, forever. The only elevation changes happened because that's how they had to build the bridges to get over the water.

It took us nine hours from New Orleans to Nana and Papa's in Titusville. Not having met them yet I was a little nervous. Ian rightfully rolled his eyes at my ridiculous paranoia. His grandparents are wonderful.

Nana is a Boston babe with a thick accent. And Papa is a marine who says exactly what's on his mind. They have great stories. They also have four cats and a schnauzer-ish pup named Bou. Our second day there, Nana gave me an Italian meatballs and spaghetti sauce lesson and then we went to a Jazzercise class. I had never tried it before.

For those who do not know, Jazzercise is a kind of choreographed aerobic workout. So, if you're like me and you do not have a whole lot of dance experience, you will probably look and feel as good as a cow dancing on ice. But it was fun overall and I would totally do it again. Nana goes three times a week!

Our third or fourth day, Uncle Rick took Ian and I to the house we'd be moving into:

Welcome to Pine Cone Lane -- a humid home away from home, an automobile graveyard, a swampy sanctuary... I absolutely love it.

This place belonged to Ian's uncle, Bill, before he passed away. The more I learn about Bill, the more I like him. He'd buy cars for parts, or just for fun, and Frankenstein motors together. He collected beautiful pieces of furniture and one-of-a-kind storage-unit treasures. He valued a good deal and, I'm sure, a good time.

We've been working on organizing the house, boxing up like-items and such. It's not a bad spot to be in. Everything we accomplish right now feels like a huge step forward. As a bonus, my amazing brother, sent me a Wii and a Nintendo 64, plus games. It did not take us long to set those things up and yes, we've been playing Super Mario ever since. I'm not even embarrassed, it's awesome. In short, things could be worse.  :)

So here we are. The east coast:

This is proof that I've made it across country. A boy who loves me brought me here -- to a place where thunder rolls in around us and then out over the ocean, creating orange, gold and grey light shows above the water, a friendly place were starfruit is just two for a dollar, and it almost always smells like rain.

But the real story is never in the success or failure at the ending, it's in the adventure on the way. And quite the adventure it was.

Missing my family and friends, but having a wonderful time. Hope you are too.

All the love,

Sky