First: If you wave to someone, ask how their day is, laugh at their jokes, OR so much as smile and make eye contact with them, they will assume you want to sleep with them. Yes, just like that. Especially if this someone is a dumb boy who may or may not also be in his 20s.
Second: Nowhere is safe. Nope. Not the grocery store, not work, not the gym (especially not the gym), the car wash, the park, the freeway, the remote hiking trail just outside of town, ... no-fucking-where. Men under 35 can smell the single on you... and they will hunt you like an animal.
Third: We think we're adults and we want "adult" relationships, but no body really knows what that means. So fuck it, and try to have a good time.
Now, I wish someone had told me these things beforehand...
My first date after a heart-wrenching breakup and move, was with a boy who stopped my in the microwave isle of Fred Meyer's [no where is safe]. He even went so far as to look in my shopping cart and jokingly say, "Healthy. I'll bet you're a good cook, you could cook for me."
Wow.
Anyway, we went to lunch. Later we went for a hike. Beautiful day. Smoked a joint under a waterfall. Cool. Then he took me home. Now then, I stupidly did not prepare for the Goodbye Procedure. This, to keep things short, lead to the most awkward hug/kiss/shoulder-caressing moment of my life. So awkward I slid to the floor when I safely got back into my apartment, texting a good friend "I'm never going outside again!"
And, overall, that was pretty freaking harmless. Ugh.
Always prepare for the Goodbye Procedure!
And if you thought that was bad...
A few months later I planned to see a music recital with a friend I've had for years. He studies history, hops, wine, candle-making, and beard-growing. He's pretty neat. But I forgot to tell him, "not in that way..."
He showed up with flowers. Roses and lilies in a blue-tinted mason jar. Fucking, so romantic. What?! So, hugely awkward dating moment #2: We had a little chat, he left disappointed but understanding - flowers in hand, and I went to the recital solo.
Every three seconds through the first song I put out my open palm thinking, "What the hell just happened??"
Always be clear with everyone (including yourself) whether it's a date or not. And if you don't know, maybe you shouldn't go...
Dating is hard. It's hard and awkward at every age, I think. People have told me that it doesn't get any easier. But even still, it can be really fun. When you find someone you enjoy spending time with, it's OK to just enjoy that time with them. I can think of a couple good souls who helped me stitch up my heart in this time. I laughed a lot, learned a ton, and am thankful I don't have to do that again!
Next time I'll tell you about how I was ambushed by idiots at the park. Fucking men, ya know?
OX - Sky
